Losing It

Hey there !!..I am not 100% done with all these messy work but am taking a short break anyway, fuhh.... Tetiba kepala rasa macam nak kena miggrain attack jer...and hati still sakit+kecewa+frustrated....huhhh...juz named it... m feeling it now! it's terrible you know... i really wish things gonna be better on my side. Non-stop pray to God, may He let me feel the pleasure once again.


I did something terrible this morning. I woke in a very good mood, did something which i think might make my love one happy, came to the office with a stripes black + greeen baju kurung. Perfect! Suddenly, i think of asking him bout his feelings if someone did called n smsed me at 1 am. As expected, he will meengamuk laa... He said something like this laa...

" haa..tu suma mengarut!! call other girl at 1 am...apa pasai?? apa masalah?? tu suma dah mula nk mengarut. sms plak yg mcm tu knp..? whatever masalah dia dgn wife dia...xdak kena mengena ngn ayg... pi la cari org lain...y u?? "

Thank God he reacted that way. At least i know he loves me. i try to twist a lil bit the story as i am so pissed off after what he had done before. Know what... he totally change into DONT-NAME-IT creatures, and said somethng that hurt me the most. Cum'on.. you called other girl at 1 am, and u said there's nothing actually?? and the most-hurt part is that...he didnt admit his mistakes. x mengaku kot call other girl at 1 am.. i knew him. di axkan mengaku selagi xdak bukti dpn mata.

We almost fight for everything this morning. And tell u wat...i didnt regret sikit pun. I did a right thing by knwing he made a called at 1 am that night. But he keep saying that i'm wrong. He want me to admit that watever happen btwn me n him, is bcoz of me. Goshh!!! How could you abg..?? U know u are wrong... yet you still want to pretend like you did nothing.

" Dont pretend like nothing when it is everything..!! M sick of it..!! "

Is that what they mean by "man"?? GOSHH!!! It such an annoying-thingy. i dont know why... he dont even realise...x serik2 buat mende yg aku x ske. Giler wehjhh letih mcm nie... haaiihh...

I was thinking bout letting go everything. I cant afford to handle this thing anymore. The moment i decided to settle down everything...things are worst.. like always, he was totally mad, mengada2, kerek, sombong, samseng...suma2 laa... I know...I know... it was just bcoz he's so mad. But does it mean i hv to let go just like that...and let thing to hepen again?

I went breathless for a couple of seconds. I was so angry, I kinda hit him pretty hard on his face a couple of times, resulting him bursting into tears and screaming bcoz of hurt most. I felt terribly bad instantly and regretted what I did. I don't hit him. I try really hard to talk nicely to him tapi now that I get tired easily, senang sangat nak lose temper. I know. I am a bad one.