can i take it back??

I’m not really sure what I’ve inside me. Somehow, I feel like going somewhere that people won’t look for me. I’m all alone by myself hanging out there letting my body being covered by the night freeze. I don’t know from where it comes. It just happens.
"People make mistakes. I have made many in my life, but this past week I have made more than I can count on one hand.
I am sorry. And I mean it. No one is forcing me to write this. I am not feeling pressured to say this. I am speaking out because I realize that the last few days have been more hurtful to me - and to my love - than the accident that I suffered to this past few days.
I have been filled with incredible sadness and regret.
I am sorry that any good intentions I have done for promoting this relationship may be tainted by me reclaiming a hurtful word - that's been personally used against me and you - to hurt someone that we deadly love. It was stupid.
Apologizing for me is not easy. Writing this was not easy. Life is not easy. But everything happens for a reason and I will take away a lot of valuable lessons from this experience.
Violence is never the answer. Never. That’s the other thing that makes me regret. It will permanently stay in my head, my soul and my life. For God sake, can you imagine how worst I am right now? Things start to be not so good since that day. I can feel that. Even it is not from your side; at least it comes from my side. I feel ashamed with what had happen. What’s the best thing that I can do?? Nothing. Period.
You being patient to me. It kills me. You bear with all I did. y just stood there. Doing nothing. Just nothing. Not even touch me. Damn!! Fuck!!! I can control myself. I knew it. But why I didn’t do it?? This is not me. That’s it. I know already, things on my side already gone. Enough. It’s nothing that I can do to help it. Just leave it to the time.
As I’m writing this, I remember the moment the most things happen. So many things that I want to tell you, but It doesn’t come out. I don’t know why. For example at one moment;-
“I’m feeling defensive. When I feel defensive, sometimes I say things and I do things I don't mean. “
I know I treat you badly. Sometimes I wish I could tell you like this; “I’m not talking to you like you are someone I love. Let me start over because I do love you. “
Haiiihhh……everything is not right anymore. I wish I know how to tell things. “I know I'm sounding angry, but I'm feeling extremely threatened. Let me take a deep breath and try again.” Would that sounds ok?
Honey…. I know you're feeling harassed. Please bear with me; I will do better for you.

I'm sorry. I’m exhausted of being someone who will pretend happy even if I’m not. I think I was using a tone of voice I did not mean. But I do have a good perception towards you.

Can I say this?? “I guess I haven't been listening very well. Please give me another chance.”

Yes, I know I've hurt you. What can I do that would help us get happy again?

I’m completely worried, sad and full of regret. I've said and do some mean things to you. Can I take them back?

After all, I realize I’m making it sound like it was your entire fault. I know that's not true.

I know I sound useless now. I'm sorry and I haven’t stopped loving you. I love you, I hate fighting, and I'm sorry for my part of this one!

I don’t know what I should do and say. I feel lousy about what just happened. Can we just make up?